Spring Break Monday

Yes, I did exercise this morning! I used Denise Austin's Boot Camp (strength workout). Being out of my routine and having the kids and hubby home, I was struggling. I am reading more of my book and becoming aware of these emotions. For so long, it was like I was eating in some mindless fog of oblivion. Now I find myself asking myself "why am i feeling this way?". At least I'm making progress by realizing I'm not hungry and that I am trying to swallow my feelings. However, the downside is that I'm finding eating much easier than facing the feelings. I'm not sure what to do with them yet! They are scary and swallowing them is easier than thinking about them. These are BIG issues, too! Here are some of the issues I was dealing with today:
1. I would REALLY like another baby, but I had a tubal with my last almost 5 years ago. This is a pretty big operation to get it reversed and we certainly don't have the money.
2. We are already super crammed in our tiny house with the two we have. I am so thankful for this house, but it is less than 1000 square feet and there are four of us. It is hard to clean, because we have 11 years worth of stuff!!
3. I really need to get a job next year when our youngest enters school. This is scary. I've been able to do small things and haven't worked outside the home since the day before we had our first.

The list could go on.

I am very thankful with my life, but have a ton of unresolved issues that I'm not sure to deal with. Why not seek therapy? Been there, done that. I just really feel like I need to figure this stuff out for myself. The answers are in there somewhere (behind the food no doubt).

Target Points 27
Actual Points 39.5

On the upside, I DID try chewing gum today when I was frustrated, but my jaw got sore! Geez, does that tell you how anxious I am that I'm chewing so hard?!!

I did get a pedicure and read a little from my book. I learned that I do have value. I am important regardless of my weight and shortcomings. I should know this stuff... I learn it every Sunday (I even teach kids on Sundays!!). Why is it so hard for us to give ourselves the credit we deserve? When did my weight get all wrapped up with my emotions. Just a hunch, but, gee, what about a fridge so full it wouldn't shut 2 days after my father passed away when I was a kid. It is our culture. We eat to celebrate. We eat to comfort. We eat. And we eat. And unfortunately, some of us eat ourselves right to death.